it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
