never play flip cup with pint glasses
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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