Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
