textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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