she woke up with a sticky ear
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
