dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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