I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
