Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
