i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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