I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
