I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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