I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
