1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
