Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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