I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
