When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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