you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
