you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
