I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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