all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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