im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
