Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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