So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
we're making bets on your personal life
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
