your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
