I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
