Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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