Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Randomize
