she woke up with a sticky ear
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
