my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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