It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
