No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
