A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
