she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
