I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
this just has baby written all over it
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
