im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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