I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
