Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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