1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
