Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Someone shit on the floor
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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