Have you finally orgasmed yet?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Randomize
