3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
pray to the hookup gods
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
