Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
