and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
