Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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