Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
