i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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