i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
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I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
