2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
