Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
