Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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