I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
