Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she woke up with a sticky ear
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
