I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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