Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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