I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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