Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
3pm strippers are depressing
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
